got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
