So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
