I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm always down for nudity.
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