I puked a lego.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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