The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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