I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We left the knife in your bed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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