I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
