I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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