i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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