i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
