I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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