am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
