I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
