Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
