It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
