Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
