I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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