i was born a porn star she said
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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