i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
