By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
