I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
