i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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