Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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