I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
