How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize