I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize