you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
