I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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