Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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