Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
