Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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