you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
