i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
