If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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