I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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