chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
