I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just tell him i said nine months
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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