Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
