Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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