Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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