yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
