The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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