I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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