theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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