Whod you bang
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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