Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
