Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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