when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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