It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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