I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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