turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
