i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
