Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I want her autograph on my taint
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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