You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
