Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
