I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
