I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
