The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
