considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
