Porn is love you can see.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
