my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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