We're facebook friends in real life
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
