You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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