your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
