69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are we still banned from the library?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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