Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
